Cantik (?)

Ceramahnya start dengan tayangan video. Kat shopping complex. Ada dua situasi berbeza. Seorang perempuan seksi, tengah jalan. Tiba2 kena kacau ngan sorang lelaki. Tapi. Takda pun orang sekeliling nak tolong. Situasi kedua, sorang perempuan berpakaian menutup aurat, kena kacau jugak, tapi semua orang kat sekeliling cuba untuk defend dia. Video ringkas. Tapi mesej cukup padat. Lebih tertutup, lebih mahal harga seorang wanita. And itulah relevennya tajuk ceramah "The Beauty Of You. Beauty itu adakah dengan tertutup litup ? Atau apa makna disebalik beauty tu ?

Pusingan pertama, start dengan Ustaz Dr Shafiee. Soalan moderator kasi "Apa hukum berpakaian tutup aurat tapi berfesyen iaitu hijabister ?" (berfesyen, lilit2 dan sebagainya)

Saya expect ustaz akan cakap pasal hijabister tu. Tapi tak, ustaz twist! (Ustaz mengikut majoriti audiens mungkin) Ustaz mula dengan kata "Nilai wanita itu sangat tinggi. Lebih-lebih lagi bila tutup aurat, terlalu tinggi! Yang tinggal, cuma awak menjaga diri, لباس التفوى ذلك خير "

Ada orang dia pakai tudung labuh, dia bersopan, dia tunduk pada luaran. Tapi dalam hati memanggil2 , "Lihatlah aku, pandanglah aku." Kenapa boleh jadi macam tu ? Benda gini jadi bila hati & perbuatan tak didasari dengan taqwa. Setiap benda yang tak didasari dengan taqwa akan roboh. Akan sirna. Akan jadi sia-sia.

Mungkin kita yang merosakkan agama, merosakkan nama Islam. Kerana Kita pakai yang melambangkan Islam, tertutup sempurna tapi akhlak kita tak sama level ngan pakaian! AKHLAK TAKDA

Hakikatnya, bila kita dipuji 'baiknya, solehahnya..' adakah kita benar-benar solehah ? ataupun mereka yang tertipu dengan TOPENG kita? Semua boleh pakai topeng. tapi itu bukan diri sebenar. Di penghujung hari, kita akan buka jugak topeng, dan menjadi diri sendiri. Sebab tu ada yang boleh jadi baik di siang hari, tapi tengah malam buat benda yang tak disangka2. Sebab Hati tidak dilabuhkan sekali seiring dengan labuhnya tudung!

Sudah2 lah. Fikir balik. Untuk siapa kita berpakaian ? Kalau untuk manusia, seramai mana manusia yang kita nak tarik ? Sedang Allah dah cipta sepasang mata yang akan melihat kita cantik tanpa kita perlu bersusah payah. Sedang di akhir nanti kita akan bersama dengan jodoh kita jua. Cantik bukan segalanya. Apa guna baju up-to-date tapi hati takda kualiti... ? updatelah hati. Bersih hati tu menjadi kunci kepada diri yang berkualiti dalam diri.

Kerana muka, seiring waktu akan dimamah usia. Tapi akhlak, kekal selamanya. Buangkan perasaan nak cuba tarik perhatian, fokus sekarang : Biar kita jaga diri dan akhlak sampai Allah puji kita depan malaikat! :sob: Niatlah untuk cari tuhan, sahabatkuu.

Kita di peringkat umur ni, memang penuh cabaran. Terutamanya bila kita bebas tanpa pantauan mak ayah. Sabarlah ! Kita kena kuat. Sebab Iblis akan target untuk kita buat yang awal-awalan je dulu.. then, step by step.. Sampai jadi benda diluar kawalan kita! Semakin kita cuba menjaga, semakin kuat juga Iblis yang datang kat kita. Pangkat tinggi2:sob: memang menyesatkan orang menjadi kebanggan Iblis. Harini mungkin kita selamat, tapi esok? Iblis takkan berhenti cuba! Jangan sampai kita jadi depan orang nampak baik, tapi depan Allah hina. Disebabkan perbuatan kita mengambil agama secara juzu'2. Ambil sebahagian tinggal sebahagian ikut kesukaan kita. Jagalah diri sebelum disentuh, sebab once kita dah disentuh, kita tak boleh nak claim dah yang "Aku seorang gadis yang belum pernah disentuh". Ingatlah, jika kita sampai ke tahap zina, apa yang jadi lepas tu adalah diluar kawalan kita wahai gadis2! Sanggupke kita tipu mak ayah kita?

Jaga diri sebelum perkara macam tu jadi. And banyak perkara macam tu jadi sebab tinggalkan ajaran! و لا تلبسوا الحق بالباطل!
Kita kan ada prinsip. Peganglah prinsip kuat-kuat. Jangan sebab ada orang meluahkan perasaan kat kita, kita terus goyah. Jaga perbatasan dengan yang ajnabi, yang bukan mahram. Jangan dan never ever buka ruang untuk orang yang TAK SEPATUTNYA. Sabarlah. Kerana siapa yang sabar di jalan Allah dia akan dapat kebaikan yang banyak. Jaga sempadan.

Sudahlah. Ubahlah diri. Mulakan dengan dua perkara :

1.Jangan jadi mudah

2.Jangan jadi murah

Sebab kita wanita.. cukup mahal. Syurga tak bererti tanpa kita! Nabi Adam AS dapat syurga, tetap rasa kosong dalam hati. Hingga datang Hawa. Kita tak perlu buktikan pada orang yang kita cantik, sebab kita memang cantik, setiap inci macam seni! Buatlah kerana Allah. kalau buat untuk manusia.. rugi.. Sebab manusia minat dia berubah2, harini suka langit, esok suka tanah. Harini suka ungu esok suka oren. Sebab memang manusia mudah jemu. Ubahlah. Buat smthing untuk mak ayah. Fokus pada berbakti itu jauh lebih baik. Umi (Ustazah Ramlah) pesan : hidup wanita mestilah berteraskan Ilmu + Iman + Amal :) 

Di pengakhiran.. Ustaz sebut pasal sempadan. Kita ada sempadan, sempadan tempat selamat. kalau boleh jangan duduk kat sempadan, duduk jauuuuuh daripada di sempadan. Sebab orang yang duduk kat sempadan ni yang hatinya betul2 kukuh sahaja. KITA ? yakin ke hati kita kukuh macam dai'e (yang segalanya dikorbankan lillahi ta'ala) ? Sedangkan kita tak tahu angin dan ribut nya macam mana..yakin kah kita akan selamat? sudah2 lah melepasi sempadan.. Ustaz Shafiee dengan nada yang sangat sayu.. Sangat perlahan, seakan merayu.. Ustaz kata "Malam ni ustaz hulurkan tangan. Balik lah. Mari lah balik. Awak dah jatuh, dah busuk. Marilah kita mula mendaki lagi. Baliklah (dari melepasi sempadan tu). Esok berubahlah, biar esok kita bangun dengan diri baru" terkesan sangat2! Rasa sampai ke dalam hati terlalu ikhlas ustaz mengajak, memang ustaz macam seorang ayah yang nakkan kebaikan untuk anaknya.

Sebelum bersurai, ustaz ajak satu dewan berisitghfar. Ustaz cakap "Astaghfirullah Rabbal Baraya maksudnya Aku mohon ampun pada Allah Tuhan segala makhluk. Baraya daripada Bariyyah. Astaghfirullah minal Khataya. Aku mohon ampun dari segala kesalahan. Istighfar nada biasa. Tapi lepas dah berkali2, rasa satu perasaan dalam hati yang lain. Rasa macam dah terlalu lama hati tidur, teruk sangat sampai istighfar banyak kali baru sedar.

Dah lama sangat kita tidur. Bangun jom. Yakinlah syurga disana menanti 

Lost, and confused then found (?)

She is lost. And she is still searching for herself.

How can she do so ? When all she knows is that time passes too fast. She knows nothing, she feels so intimidated by the figures around her who have very high intellectual thinking capacities ; their hearts hold a garden of knowledge, their minds are greater than a programmed computer! Indeed, they portray the beautiful ayah, they live the words of God. They believe and work to prove that they are among the people whom Allah declares as Ahsanu Taqweem.
Ahsanu Taqweem. The best creation of all. Tuba lakum, tuba ! Blessed they are she can clearly see. All her dear friends who are never insight, but always close to the heart kept tight. They inspire her, to always work on for the better. And for that she will never stop her steps from leaving the place where she is lost, and confused to a place she will start anew. For her love isnt solely for a language she adores, but her love purely is for the mankind. She dreams of living and constantly giving. She hopes to see a world of blessings. She has high expectations on herself. But some of her ambitions and aspirations have faded and scuttled in the sea of Ghafla. A sea of ignorance. No, it's not the place where she is to be put into responsibility, indeed it is her who is guilty of letting herself sink into a pointless life. A life where time will cut you down if you, in the first place dont try to beat it up.

But how can she do so ? When all she knows is that books have beautiful cover pages. And all that she could stand was just reading the first few pages then dozing of to a goalless dreamland ? She has come upon a few remarkable people, she could simply conclude that they all spend time and invest on reading. She knows and is completely aware about it, but it will never seem as she has learnt something, not until she puts reading into action. How can she contribute to the society properly when she has no clue of what to do? When the brain is all zero, shall his armies fight and strive? Obvious answer, no strategy, no use. All the outstanding people, they have goals and visions. They read to gain something. They read to level up their selves ; nearer to their goals. But her, she just started to crave the path of her ideas. Yes it is never too late; better late than never. But sometimes its always better to never even be late.

But how can she do so ? When all that her heart resonates are the frequencies of Dunya ? From what she listens to what she sees, so little are the things that are related to Deen. She has fallen into a Well of Deceive, where she is still down there in the darkness looking for some way out. But the heart has been partially enslaved to hedonism where at times it resists to climb its way out of the Well. She has seen very great people greatly well-mannered. And she has not find anything except the fact that they have a very strong relationship with God. Truly, when we entrust our affairs to Allah for the sake of finding an easier path to be closer to Him, He will never let us down. Allah has ALWAYS been near. It is us who moved far away from Him

She understands, what she actually needs is to focus and gain more knowledge to be closer to God, eternity. She must not waste time, for time is very limited, and the end of the world is very near.

She will come back, stronger than ever.

All well planned!

Semalam ade satu ayat terngiang ngiang kat telinga aku. 

Wa qulil hamdulillah. Dengan fasayarallah. Aku pun tak tau itu ayat mana. Surah mana. Itu ayat ke tak pun tak sure  tapi duk terngiang ngiang. 

(Style aku ni kalau ade benda terngiang, aku takleh nk get over unless i hear it kalau itu lagu, and unless i read the line if its in a book, or unless i search for it if its a person gitu). 

So lepas solat asar. Aku bukak apps Quran. Search. Tulis قل الحمد لله. Semua start dengan qul. Aku tak nak. Aku nak cari yang ada wa kat depan! (Cerewat gak aku ni -_-) tapi tak jumpa. 

So aku tekan the nearest one. Surah anNamlu ayat 59. Apa yang tarik perhatian aku is the perkataan اصطفى pada ayat tu. 

So.. Aku pun baca. Baca.. baca.. Kenapa aku rasa macam tak pernah dengar ayat ni?! Kenapa macam ayat baru?! Kenapa rasa nikmat gila baca! Sedap, dari segi bahasa, cantik betul susunan dan rhythm! Isi ayat lagi la! Rasa macam Allah tengah bercakap ngan aku! Cantik sangat, aku kept on reading, tiba dah sampai ending of the surah. 

Ending dia,

وقل الحمد لله سيريكم اياته فتعرفونها. 

(The very same ayah that has been on my mind.)

Aturan Allah? Yep. Allah buat aku tak jumpa pada mulanya , pasal nak suruh aku baca kehebatan content dan bahasa QuranNya. 

Tapi still at the end, Allah kasi jugak hilang aku punya ke(ngiang)an, macam still jugak grant my wish :) 

tho ayat sayurikum tu tak sama dengan fasayarallah.. Tapi dah dekat sama. 

Dari mana otak aku kenal ayat ni pun aku tak tau. Tapi satu benda aku pasti, aku sedar betapa aku jauh ngan Allah. Tapi Allah Maha Penyayang, still tarik balik aku kepada Dia in ways that i never expected :') 

and btw, ayat fasayarallah tu pun sama indahnya. 

و قل اعملوا فسيرى الله عملكم و رسوله. 

Buat lah. Kerja lah. Beramal lah. Pasal Allah tengok kau, Allah tak sia siakan. Tak kan sia siakan  orang tak appreciate takpa. Fasayarallah, Allah akan tengok. 

A long night

I just got back from a ceramah by Tuan Haji Ahmad Azzam (father of late Ahmad Ammar) and i feel extraordinarily inspired! I think that if i dont write it now, I won't easily find any other time with the chance to share what has blowned my mind. (I mean with the same feeling, and same inspiration) because feelings can fade and they will fade. And of course, the first 24 hours is the best period to recall everything. 

It's a long story! And it started with me missing the bus, haha. I was so dissapointed that the bus left me -_- i was so eager to go to the ceramah. But I realise that lately ive been in so many situations where i lose some then i gain some more. So not being able to catch up with the bus lead me to the nearest surau where there was a maghrib kuliyyah discussing about the trials of akhirruzamaan. It was full of so much lessons that I dont know how to portray it in this writing. The Kuliyyah was given by Ustaz Shahrizal. He taught me once in my fourth semester and i really admire the way he conveys his messages, It's always soft and relatable and i find no harsh elements at all. Dia macam memang cakap tu untuk perubahan kita, seolah-olah ustaz memang nakkan yang terbaik untuk kita, (dan memang ya pun!)

He is so humble, and there was one sentence that caught my attention during the kuliyah was that he said

"Saya ni bukan perfect, sebab tu saya bagi peringatan ni dengan cara saya perlahankan percakapan saya, saya kawal nada saya, supaya pesanan tu masuk ke dalam hati saya terlebih dahulu. Manusia ni sangat perlukan peringatan :)"

Anyway, as how the tajuk is. Memang banyak sangat fitnah akhir zaman. And note that when it's the word fitnah, it doesn't necessarily means as what the Bahasa Melayu defines it ; to slander.The subject is very wide. Fitnah means test and trials. Which can conclude anything! 

And it's really scary just having the thought that a person can be a believer in the morning but then an infidel at night. 

Lebih-lebih lagi bila zaman dah serba moden ni! Mesej palsu jadi viral. Fitnah. Social media jadi pemudah cara untuk mengumpat orang. Fitnah. Perempuan diatas pentas disanjung dan digilai. Fitnah. Laman web yang 18x boleh akses tanpa ada rekod(private browsing). Fitnah. itu memang tiny bit of all the fitnahs that is happening now. Pagi solat, dah menuju petang, terlalu sibuk dah lupa nak solat untuk set petang (asar, maghib, isya). Itu juga fitnah

Itu dalam masyarakat. Pemimpin ? kadang ada orang kata bila rosaknya rakyat lihatlah pada pemimpin, pasti semua itu terjadi kerana mereka yang terlebih dulu membiarkan diri mereka hancur ditelan kehendak diri.The world is so messed up man! People value money more than lifes. People use people as tools to get materialistic things that they love. When honestly, it should be the other way around :( 

What I can remember and I feel that it's really important, as Ustaz Shahrizal kept on stressing on about it :

1. If we want to live the real Islam, we must prepare ourselves to be the Ghuraba (strangers).

Living the true Islam life in this decade will be very tough. People would neglect the religion and get engaged into the luxuries of world to an extent getting ready early for prayers would be something weird! But that's how it will be, the love for world would be "paradise-ish", and the readiness for the hereafter would be "hell fire-ish". And of course, people will focus more on the worldly affairs. So.. Ready to be a Ghuraba ?

2. Always keep in mind that there are Angels that are keeping track of our life, what we do, the decisions we take ; every millisecond 

Angels are the most devoted servants. They won't miss a single thing of what we're doing! So yeah, think thoroughly before you decide to do something that won't benefit any of us. Basically, live life good. Be kind, spread good and make the world a better place, constantly.

3. Always speak of good words

Because it will effect the way we think, the way we act, the decisions we choose. And keeping good words close to our mouth is always safer :) Dont spread news that we are unsure about it because in the end it will be a bad apple. And ustaz Shahrizal did mention of leaving the traits of a Ruwaibidhoh. They are the ones who utter very nice words, but on the contrary, the dont even know what are they talking about. Their words are either lies, or unbeneficial, and they call upon goodness (that they know less) but they dont do them at all! But sadly, these kind of people bersepah dah sekarang.

The kuliyah ended leaving a great impact in my heart and all that came to surau perhaps. Indeed, this world needs a CHANGE!

Yep, i did miss the bus. But what came in return was priceless.

It's really nothing.

It's the 17th day of February. The 48th day of year 2016. It has been 48 days only, and i feel like it has been such a long year. I have been through so many things in this new year,(well i think i have). As life goes on, i feel like im starting to become more confused about life. It is as if as i grow , i start to know less. I feel so dumb. But i dont want to be dumb. I am dumb but i think that as long as i dont let myself think so, then i am not dumb. But i am still dumb. ugh its just extremely complicated.

crawling up the stairs of an almost twenty years old, i wonder where has all the fun of life gone to. GONE. are the days when life used to be so much fun, and full of wonders. i force myself to think positive, but how shall i think positive when there is nothing to think of ? ugh i just dont really know where im gong with this writing.

Life is actually beautiful. When the heart too, is as beautiful. Life is full of wonders and beauty. But it can only be seen by the heart that is in tranquility. Qalbun saleem. A heart that is in peace. And as i write those very meaningful words, my heart feels heavy, my eyes are filled with tears. Why? Because i miss that very sweet essence in this heart of mine. Frankly, i have been drowned into this world. I am deceived by the temporary fake world. And i know the fact that i am not the only one.

How many of us have been trying so hard to impress another person that we assume means so much to us? How many of us have been thinking about solely only our self, regardless of the people around us? These are two different situations, and look exactly different. But they meet at one point. Both are world-centered. There's more to that, chasing around for the luxuries of the world, the 4.0's and all A's, all the likes and favorites for that perfect-angled picture. Really! Being world-centered in the heart is very tiring :( yet, we all find our self doing them with full effort!

What is it that the heart actually wants? Have we ever take the time to sit and hear what the heart screams for? Or are we too busy going through our life, chasing this and that, not having time to even hear the heart PLEADING  for us to stop? The real contentment of life is dwarfed by greed that lies in at the bottom of our heart. The heart didnt ask for greed, but we planted them without the heart's consent (?) so is heart and our self two different things? If not then, why do we sometimes have this constant fight when we think we're doing it right, but some voice inside us says the opposite ? 

So actually life is full of questions. And how many of us has let the curiosity deep down inside us die of our ignorance ? Life is indeed full of questions, some are answered. While some remain undiscovered. But will answers exist if we dont look for them? are answers always there or does it only appear when we question something ? But we dont. We are too busy living the life of robots, that we dont notice all the wonders being engulfed by time.

Yes life, is honestly running out of time. But time will go slow, as we indulge our self in the passion of revealing answers for beautiful questions. And for that, life is beautiful.

Kuda made us like this

Harini teman adik main kuda. I mean, adik-adik. Biasa hantar je, hari ni angin adik aku lain, dia suruh aku tunggu and rakam dia naik kuda gracefully lahh konon. Nak dapat scene-scene macam dalam cerita-cerita tu kot. But anyway, whatever lah. Aku pun ikutlah cakap dia which is something new sebab aku dikenali dengan kedegilan aku haha, acah. 

Nak dijadikan cerita, masa dorang rehat, dorang duduk kat aku. Pastu kawan adik aku pun datang join sembang ngan kitorang. Tak ada masalah pun, tapi 

Kawan adik aku ni dia pandai bercakap, to be specific. Pandai cakap 'loyar buruk'ly. Sembang macam orang bussines. Runs in the blood kot, ayah dia memang bussinesman pun (aku tanya)

Almost at the end of our conversation, dia tanya adik aku 

"Cuba teka sape saya? eh tak, sape ayah saya?"

Ingatkan nak duga kitorang pay attention ke tak or recall balik segala cerita dia duk bebel dari tadi about his whoooole life.

"Contractor ? " entah kenapa adik aku boleh teka benda takda kaitan.

"Salah, orang lah. Ayah saya orang :p " (adik aku rolls eyes haha) 

Pastu dia ni pegi sekolah JK cina (tho dia melayu)

Aku mintak la "Cuba cakap cina sikit dik!"

"Pu yao"

"Apa maksud tu ?"

"Tak nak" (dia gelakkan aku dan aku roll eyes)

Tu haa. Well at least he did speak chinese kan hahaa, though the word didn't seem like he did it sincerely haha.

Pastu dia nak sambung lagi hikayat hidup dia

"Mak saya suka kereta yang jenis dua pintu. Dia.."

Adik aku potong . " Kejap, mak awak perempuan kan ? ke orang jugak" Hahahhaha tu dia counter attack.  (this time, dia roll eyes. Yes!)

Nak habaq mai ; manusia ni memang ada evil side dia. Kecik-kecik pun.

Marfu' Baris Atas

Pagi tadi dalam pukul 8.30 aku pegi bilik mak aku. Mama dalam sehari mesti dia dia akan luang masa tadabbur Quran, (she's a Quran lover i tell ya)

And sebenarnya aku pegi kat mama sebab nak suruh rasa nasi goreng yang aku masak paginya

kurang gula ke lebih ke apa tak cukup, lepas tu tiba-tiba mama tanya:

"Kakcik, mama nak tanyalah.."

Ayo soalan macam semacam scary. Sebab mama paused for awhile sebelum betul-betul tanya.

"Mama selalu confuse dengan hafalan mama, macam mana nak tentukan ayat tu jadi mu'minin ke mu'minun ? or Qanitin and Qanitun ? Or Allahu ke Allaha ? time nak baca dalam solat abih lupa"

Aku memang uih tunduk malu sesaat. Zaman sekarang punya la sibuk nak kejar and hargai masa, sampai dalam solat pun baca surah Al-Asr. Demi masa! Okay. Pastu aku explain la, as i am currently the only one in the family yang betul-betul belajar Arab ken (note: currently) 

Aku cakap la,

"Dalam arab ni dia ada tiga keadaan untuk nouns. Marfu, mansub, majrur . Nak terangkan secara real apa maksudnya panjaaang cerita ma, it's easier to say that : (Marfu = baris depan) , (Mansub = baris atas ) and (Majrur = baris bawah) " cakap sepintas lalu gitu je,

but mama was writing it down, nicely  :) terharu looking at the appreciation for just this kind of tiny bit of sharing. Berapa kerat je orang ada appreciate every single word that the cikgu cakap ? Ada. Cuma tak ramai. And untuk mama, catat apa yang anaknya share for the sake of ilmu... how beautiful.

sambung lagi. 

"Marfu ni untuk faa'il (noun yang buat kerja) , mansub ni untuk maf'ulun bihi (noun yang dikerjakan), majrur pulak untuk yang duduk lepas huruf jar. Contoh dia fi (di) 'ala (atas) and the list goes on.."

"Preposition eh ?" tekuuunn je mama duk tulis. 

Then dah habis dengan segala peta minda aku keluarkan, ( i guess tadabbur Quran this morning halted a bit haha) and turned into tadabbur Nahu. Mama was checking if she got it right.

"Marfu' baris atas... mansub baris, eh marfu' baris depan.. mansub baris atas.. majrur bawah"

Mama so comel.

sat sat lagi dah tengahari sikit. pukul 12 gitu.

"Ma! nak dengar tak satu 'pun joke' ni tak ? hahaha " aku dah gelak dulu. Aku memang macam tu, jangan takut nak kawan ngan aku, bcs i'll laugh at my own jokes!

"Jap! kejap kejap . Marfu depan, mansub depan, majrur bawah (dengan jari terangkat angkat) . 

OK, now you can tell me the joke. Gelak banyak nanti hilang ilmu so let me revise first. "

Mama :) dulu mama bukan amik kos agama pon macam aku, tapi dia lagi faham and lagi thiqqoh daripada aku yang pilih aliran tu kat Universitas.

'take one' ?

Bismillah.

Shall i start writing ?

(Because there's always a start for everything!)
i still remember how back then i first started writing. tho the memory is a bit shadowy :) . 
i was 5. i started my first writing of ABC 123 with my left hand! (i was born to be left-handed!)
But after going to kindergarten, all my friends started to tease me saying that i was weird,

"ee kenapa tulis pakai tangan tu ? semua pakai tangan kanan." 

"orang guna tangan kiri untuk basuh air kecik/besar je la!"

"you cant be friends with us. youre pelik"

funny how i actually cared about all those hurtful comments they said. 
It was The first day of school, 
On the same day, i went home and literally practised writing with my right hand!

i guess my little me was trying hard to fit with them cruel classmates :( i can vividly recall how it felt, to be isolated.

That was when i was 5. even a tiny girl can have that kind of feeling. the feeling of wanting to be accepted. 
what more to say of those who are 10 ? 15 ? or even 30 ?
some people just want to feel welcomed, and feel like they belong to something.

And, my little me. so small and innocent. how did she even had the idea that she wasnt accepted ? 

Yep, the comments. 

Those bashful comments, (though of course they were never right), but was uttered upon her face,
she was in delusion. she was deceived by the words of majority. 

and until today. i am right-handed. 



i wish i could give a warm hug to every lost soul out there, who ever felt the same,

i wish i could pat you on the back, and say :

"the world would be incomplete without you
everybody was born different. so its fine i tell you.

we have our own colour, 
no one shall ever paint us with the same brush ;)"


tak tahulah merepek apa ni. lul. random and rambang. veery!