It's really nothing.

It's the 17th day of February. The 48th day of year 2016. It has been 48 days only, and i feel like it has been such a long year. I have been through so many things in this new year,(well i think i have). As life goes on, i feel like im starting to become more confused about life. It is as if as i grow , i start to know less. I feel so dumb. But i dont want to be dumb. I am dumb but i think that as long as i dont let myself think so, then i am not dumb. But i am still dumb. ugh its just extremely complicated.

crawling up the stairs of an almost twenty years old, i wonder where has all the fun of life gone to. GONE. are the days when life used to be so much fun, and full of wonders. i force myself to think positive, but how shall i think positive when there is nothing to think of ? ugh i just dont really know where im gong with this writing.

Life is actually beautiful. When the heart too, is as beautiful. Life is full of wonders and beauty. But it can only be seen by the heart that is in tranquility. Qalbun saleem. A heart that is in peace. And as i write those very meaningful words, my heart feels heavy, my eyes are filled with tears. Why? Because i miss that very sweet essence in this heart of mine. Frankly, i have been drowned into this world. I am deceived by the temporary fake world. And i know the fact that i am not the only one.

How many of us have been trying so hard to impress another person that we assume means so much to us? How many of us have been thinking about solely only our self, regardless of the people around us? These are two different situations, and look exactly different. But they meet at one point. Both are world-centered. There's more to that, chasing around for the luxuries of the world, the 4.0's and all A's, all the likes and favorites for that perfect-angled picture. Really! Being world-centered in the heart is very tiring :( yet, we all find our self doing them with full effort!

What is it that the heart actually wants? Have we ever take the time to sit and hear what the heart screams for? Or are we too busy going through our life, chasing this and that, not having time to even hear the heart PLEADING  for us to stop? The real contentment of life is dwarfed by greed that lies in at the bottom of our heart. The heart didnt ask for greed, but we planted them without the heart's consent (?) so is heart and our self two different things? If not then, why do we sometimes have this constant fight when we think we're doing it right, but some voice inside us says the opposite ? 

So actually life is full of questions. And how many of us has let the curiosity deep down inside us die of our ignorance ? Life is indeed full of questions, some are answered. While some remain undiscovered. But will answers exist if we dont look for them? are answers always there or does it only appear when we question something ? But we dont. We are too busy living the life of robots, that we dont notice all the wonders being engulfed by time.

Yes life, is honestly running out of time. But time will go slow, as we indulge our self in the passion of revealing answers for beautiful questions. And for that, life is beautiful.